Notes to existant (or otherwise) Deities' Journal|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in
Notes to existant (or otherwise) Deities' LiveJournal:
|Friday, September 16th, 2005|
I realized today that I'm hiding. I'm hiding under the pain and the disability...that I can remove with six little pills a day. Hiding under the mess...that it took only two days to pick up. So I ask, what am I hiding from?
I don't know yet. I know you won't let me go out of this realization without finding out. I should be scared. I am comforted. I am yours.
Steel under your hammer, clay under your hands, take me round the spiral again, remake me, reforge me, remind me, restore me to memory, beloved one, teach me my strength and power again.
I appreciate your concern, I really do, but would you butt out of my life occasionally.
Or rather, would you butt in nicely. Life's hurting more than enough right now.
On other matters - thank you for this placement. It's great.
|Wednesday, September 14th, 2005|
Dear God, Allah, Great Spirit, Abraxis, etc…,
Hello, and how are things up there? Well I can’t imagine much worse than down here. Oh sure we’re all getting by. It’s a struggle you know. I’ve personally been up and down lately. Oh sure you know about it. That kind of pissed me off you know? It’s like having someone over your shoulder while you play solitaire. I mean I really don’t see you doing much by way of playing a game yourself. No, that would be below you eh? No, your just happy to sit back and have us play while you grumble up there about us not following directions you gave so long ago nobody is really even sure you exist anymore. Your really phoning it in these days aren’t you.
This brings me to the reason for the letter. You see I have been thinking on this subject for some time. I’m afraid I’m going to have to let you go. Now, there’s no need to get all emotional about it. Your work has simply dropped off in the last few thousand years. Now to be fair I would like to point out some of the major considerations in my decision.
I should start by saying that I am quite aware of the scope of the job you had on your hands. What with all the different plant life and the stars. The science department has informed me that you even went so far as to make other planets out there that are completely beyond our reach, influence, or usefulness. I see this as a great waste of materials. I know your thinking that it is the fault of the human race for using the given material in such a way. I even considered sacking a few million of them to perhaps get things in a better order, but this seems a bit drastic when I consider your position. You see one of your duties is to architect this reality. I certainly hope you are not going to try to call this project complete. I see it as a work in progress. The human race included. Which brings me to the next consideration.
I want you to keep in mind that you volunteered for this job. In fact, you created your own necessity. You have worked hard in the past, and you were given great praise. You were once worshiped as I recall. This, it would seem, is a sign of good work. However, lately you just have not been filling your role as a mentor and teacher. Where are the burning bushes of yesteryear to guide the disillusioned through stormy weathers? As I recall, when last we had called on you as a whole for guidance you sent your son. I sit here shaking my head. Exactly what sort of employee sends a proxy in his place? It seems you have been taking sick days ever since.
My next point is of the subject of your volunteered projects of setting out laws for mankind. You took on a project to give a new law to man. You wrote the words with your own hand (the originals, by the way, are nowhere to be found). You then set about enforcing this law. Did you not destroy certain cities for breaking your laws? Have you not also killed outright quite a few individuals and groups for breaking these laws? This was considered fine at first. I let it go on having faith that your extreme tactics would yield better results than had been seen in the past. Alas you quit. You dropped your project and left man bewildered. I’m sure it gave you certain joy to watch the masses scrambling about. This sort of behavior cannot and will not be allowed.
The science department has been at my door for years with evidence and reason to show you the door. Until now I had held them at bay with the concept of faith. They, in turn, have garnered their own faith. Psychology, medicine, atomic science, the list goes on. The final straw came recently when an act of absolute madness resulted in innumerable deaths in your name. You have allowed those who speak for you to go completely mad. There is no point in arguing. Even now they continue to send children to their deaths in your great name. I’m not sure at what point you lost your mind or interest but we can no longer allow this to go on.
We are prepared to offer you a severance package I have devised. You may have your rapture and take with you those whom you promised you would. This may not seem much but considering the severity of the grievances it is quite generous.
Well, thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope your retirement goes well. You will have to excuse me for such an abrupt closing but I’m afraid I have quite a lot of work to do given how out of maintenance the world is.
Anthony M. Price
Greater Earth Task Force Unilateral Chief Keeping Earth Desirable
|Tuesday, September 6th, 2005|
im sorry. for all that i have done.
please forgive me.
because it's plain and simple.
if you're there right now, if you can see this, hear this, read this... i need your help. not for me, for him.
i need your help.
please forgive me...dont forsake me.
|Wednesday, July 27th, 2005|
You're not a tame God, I know that, but do you really have to be quite so
wild all the time?
Further to that, would you mind explaining to parts of my soul why they're stuck on the same street they've been on for far too many years? The numbers change but the houses all look exactly the same from here.
|Wednesday, June 29th, 2005|
It's part of my skin now, and I don't even think of it. Except when I change in public, and another woman looks at my back, gasps, says things like it's beautiful, it must have hurt, how did you stand it.
Sometimes I just joke and say you don't get a tattoo like that standing, you get it lying on your stomach. Sometimes I say, ah, not so bad. You just breathe through it.
Most of the time I don't talk about the words I spoke on the exhale as the needle dug, words that took the pain and made it a prayer, whispered Your many names, each session looking in the mirror and seeing Your icon taking form. I carry She Who Is in my very body. It is only right that I bear Your mask- for Your Face is in all the world- in my skin.
|Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005|
Ok, you can stop RIGHT THERE. It's not funny any more. I just got my head around the concept of some sort of vocation, and probably doing stuff all over the country, including in places I'm not necessarily comfortable. Then you started talking about preaching, so I rather reluctantly went along with it. I'm still not convinced about that, you know.
And now you've got my friends involved. Telling me silly things like "You're one of the most God-Connected people I know" is bound to have me running for the hills. Do you actually want me to be able to function in this Kingdom you keep telling me you want to build, or do you just want a small heap of quivering jelly, somewhere under a duvet in the middle of Wales (I don't think Whales swallow people these days). Will you just give it a rest, and let me try and get on with whatever it is you want me to do this
time. You got me to do the pilgrimage. You got me to sign up to dating websites. Now, will you please just SHUT UP about this whole connectedness thing. I don't get it. You're just THERE OK. I can't escape you, you know that, I know that. But do you have
to be quite so in my face the whole time! You're going to drive me batshit insane, you know.
I don't like it. You know I love you dearly, but can you please tone it down a little. You're being a bit too enthusiastic for my tastes. I know you have this huge great vision thing, and I'm a part of it, like Carys and Dave and all the other people you occasional scare me with. Would you please just keep it to yourself, or else share the love a bit wider. And don't involve me in doing it! I don't like speaking in public, I don't enjoy preaching, and I'd rather just sit down and twiddle my pen for a few hours a day.
PS. And would you quit it on the attractiveness thing. I was OK thinking of myself as unattractive. Now you're moving the goal-posts. It's not nice, and it's not fair. I knew where I was before. Now I don't, and I'm very very scared. BEHAVE for once, why don't you.
You're God. That's why